FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitive

CHOKING OF PRESIDENT BUSH WHILE WATCHING FOOTBALL GAME; CAUSING PRESIDENT TO FAINT, HIT HIS HEAD AND BRUISE FACE; PUTTING PRESIDENT IN POSITION TO BE BUTT OF JOKES AND RECEIVE LARGE QUANTITY OF SNICKERS AND GUFFAWS; INSTIGATOR OF NUMEROUS ACTS OF COMEDY AGAINST PRESIDENT; LINKED TO HIGHER THAN NORMAL SODIUM LEVELS IN PRESIDENT'S BLOODSTREAM.

EVIL PRETZEL

 

Photograph of Usama Bin Laden
Date of Photograph Unknown

Aliases: Twists, Hard Bread, Salty Things, Snacks.

DESCRIPTION

Date of Birth: 2002 Hair: Brown
Place of Birth: Pretzel Factory Eyes: Brown
Height: 1" to 2" Complexion: Brown, with Salt Crystals
Weight: Approximately .5 ounces Sex: Unknown
Build: Thin, Curly Nationality: American
Occupation: Foodstuff
Remarks:  Pretzels are often seen near beer or in bars and have been known to cause thirst.
Scars and Marks: None

CAUTION

EVIL PRETZEL IS WANTED IN CONNECTION WITH THE JANUARY 13, 2002, CHOKING AND COUGHING INCIDENT OF PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH AND CONSIDERED THE LEADING CAUSE OF HIS FAINTING SPELL AND HIS FALL DOWN ON HIS FACE AND BRUISE HIS CHEEK SPELL.

CONSIDERED SALTED AND EXTREMELY TASTY

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL FBI OFFICE OR THE NEAREST U.S. EMBASSY OR CONSULATE.

REWARD

The United States Department of State is offering a reward of up to a six-pack of beer.

 

Gonzo